Self limiting self fulfillment

Sometimes it takes conversations with friends to help you realise certain aspects of your personality. Except half the time they are traits you are subconsciously aware of. For me this is my desire, or should I say need to achieve a sense of self fulfillment. For years I've harboured the same dreams, to swim the channel, to run a marathon, well to complete a competitive run of any distance, to get an entry in the Guninness Book of Records, to win/earn a medal/trophy/certificate. Plus of course, not forgetting the most recent addition - to be a member of the olympic archery/handball team! Anything that shows I have progressed beyond the three legged race at the age of 6! It's funny though the ease in which you can push these desires to the back of your mind.

So why haven't I achieved any of these? Fear and lack of self belief I guess. I'm skilled in finding numerous excuses for why not to achieve these goals. But this doesn't make my desire to achieve them any less. It's just that it is overwhelmed by my fear - of failure? or maybe a fear of achieving. Afterall, then what?

It's now time though to stop hiding behind feeble excuses. On Sunday I'm running 5km. Not far I know, but for me the challenge is not primarily about the distance, simply the fact that instead of talking about it, I'm doing it.

What next? Well if summer really is on its way, a bit of swimming sounds idillic!!!