Hope

I have decided to rate my days on a scale of positivity - No idea why, no particular reason why. Though it may be amusing to see if there is a relationship between the positivity score and the readability of this waffle.

Ok, so today rates at a 6 (1 being help get me out of here, 10 being wow I bet there isn't a drug that makes you feel this good).

So the past couple of days have been interesting and have exposed me to the whole gambit of emotions. You name it, I've felt it. From down right despair ( I wasn't great company in these moments), self pity (involving lots of tears), anger (more tears). Yet the one that left me feeling at my most vulnerable and rawest state was HOPE. A simple word, that sounds so innocuous, yet I am now of the opinion that hope is one of the strongest emotions we possess, far surpassing love and hate. Without hope what have we got, goals seem pointless, infact it permeates into every aspect of our lives rendering our existance worthless without it.

A quick search on the internet with the keywords hope and emotion revealed the following website www.emotioneric.com which I feel compelled to provide a link to for two reasons: It's the first one on the list and secondly, well you'll see for yourself, possible a more self indulgent website than this blog (ok maybe not) - But I can't wait to see the face for "realisation that your autographed life size elvis doll has been stolen". Pure genius - Ok, genius may not be quite the description I'm looking for, but it's put my life into perspective. Losing a husband (unautographed) compared to losing a life sized Elvis (autographed) - no comparison.

So as it stands at the moment I have hope. Vague hope, possibly misdirected hope, but hope all the same and it is that that has allowed me to function and to think beyond today. True, if things go back from not so bad to bad then the pain felt will be worse than ever, but that's the deal with hope. You have to expose yourself to the risks to stop feeling the pain.