Magic Knickers

…Tis the season to be jolly and the season to run around shops in a frantic rush to find a dress for the Christmas party.

The dress hire shop. In theory every girls dream, in reality a bit of a nightmare, unless that is you have the perfect size 10 figure. Though of course in today’s society size 10 has been literally downsized to a generous size 6. The assortment of dresses, some frilly, some sparkly and a couple even bearing a suspiciously leopard skin looking print sent me into panic.

Panic subsided and an hour later I had decided upon a sparkly, grey, long, clingy number. The latter of which has now become a cause for concern. I have what could be referred to as a curvaceous figure. This has led to 10 days of concerted effort to try and make the overall effect more pleasing to the eye. Key to this has been subjecting my midriff to electric impulses, succumbing to Slendertone’s advertising blurb. But the secret weapon in this assault has been the acquisition of some super duper hold it all it, boost it all up underwear. The much touted magic knickers. Except of course they aren’t magic, there is no miraculous vanishing of flesh. It simply displaces it to very bizarre places! As Mr P pointed out as I subjected him to the "am I or aren't I wearing" game.

Faced with a vast array of choices, even this purchase wasn’t straightforward. I could seemingly suck in/boost my bum, thighs and stomach or a combination of the aforementioned. There was even a stretchy lycra tube sucking everything in from armpits to knees. As might be expected it was not a sexy look, that actually being a huge understatement. Added to this was the complication that the sparkly, grey, long, clingy dress had a low cut back and a slit up the front. Neither conducive to disguising such unattractive undergarments. Faced with this dilemma a full on attack was decided upon. So it was that 4 hours later I arrived home with a variety of lycra.

As for shoes; I have over the past week taken to doing housework in my newly acquired high heeled, strappy, glittery sandals. Thankfully my walking has progressed, from precarious teetering to a semi confident stagger. It would seem I am a long way from elegant gliding.

I can only be thankful that Christmas parties come just once a year.